Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
