Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
