When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
