The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
