yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
