My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
