I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
