OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize