i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
