Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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