Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
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