Soap is not a condiment
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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