If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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