isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
