and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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