oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
