Just cropdusted the office
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
