do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
