I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
