Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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