it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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