i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize