the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
