when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
