I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
