I'm gonna have a badass scar
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize