There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
