Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
