I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Houston, we have a squirter
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
