took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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