im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
