I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
