The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
