listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
zippers are such a cool invention
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
