yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
