I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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