honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
