you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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