WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
