My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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