dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
