He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
