Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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