Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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