dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
