it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Found your dick twin last night
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
