I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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