I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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