we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
