On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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