You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
