my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
