We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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