yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
