All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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