I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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