I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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