you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
