I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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