I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
