just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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