so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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