I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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