hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
