is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
