Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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