The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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