Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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