did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
