I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
