glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
