You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
