TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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