The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize