in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
