My first STD was from a foam party
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
It's blow job season.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
