Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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