the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I will be naked everywhere
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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