Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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