Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
