I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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