Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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