I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
