i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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