She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
