Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
