We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
