Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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