Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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