I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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