Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
