Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
