I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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