your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
