the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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