who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
