I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
