You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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