I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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