bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
