You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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