Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize