hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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