Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
