I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
