A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Randomize
