Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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