How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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