I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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