If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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