I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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