i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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