ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
